A conversation at work (that I think I rudely interrupted) led me to this: A playlist of the guiltiest, most horrible songs I have and privately rock out to. This is the Bin Of Shame, people; tracks that you should never ever play when other people are in the car. They infect your playlist and deploy their seedy misdoings; use carefully.
Right or CTRL-click to download: Playlist Of Regret. (104 MB. No, really)
More More More - Andrea True Connection
I suppose there’s nothing wrong with enjoying this song. But there’s something wrong with the DEGREE to which I enjoy this song.
Everybody’s Free - Aquagen ft. Rozalla
The Season 2 premiere of Venture Brothers begins with an amazing montage set to this song, where Dr. Venture, unable to deal with the death of his sons, breaks free of his friends and travels the world seeking himself. It culiminates in a scene where Brock confronts the Doctor in the middle of a rave (perfectly tied to the synth-burst part of the song).
Strange and Beautiful (I’ll Put A Spell On You) - Aqualung
Probably the sappiest faux-Coldplay song to never hit the radio. Sickeningly sweet and optimistic. Wonderful.
Boyfriend - Ashlee Simpson
If it wasn’t for the stomach-turning verse lyrics and the identity of the singer, this might actually be something to display in my home, like a trophy of rockingness or a kickass dreamcatcher or something. But things are what they are, and Boyfriend is a song to be ashamed of.
Arcanum - Ben Houge
This is the theme to a computer role playing game.
The Humpty Dance - Digital Underground
“Derrrrr-urrrr-durrr-rrrt!” Too few people remember all the lyrics to this song, which is infinitely superior to the slightly-more-novel Baby Got Back.
Actually, it might be too many people.
I Get Around - Dragonette
Stupid sleazy Dragonette, with your pop chorus and spiking synth! Why must you rock three, four times in a row whenever I listen to you?
Classical Gas (Acoustic) - Eric Clapton
One day, I was blasting this song, and I may have had my windows down, when I noticed two guys on the sidewalk laughing at me. No, really.
Classical Gas is the nerdiest, whitest song there is.
The Final Countdown - Europe
If you know me, you know about the Final Countdown.
If you don’t know me, this song might dissuade you from organizing a meet-up.
The Show - Girls Aloud
Years after the Spice Girls have lost all relevance, their legend lives on - in my iPod. The Show is the Spice Girls doing stadium-pop; and its lyrics are either compelling or terrible, depending on who you ask (me or everyone else on the planet).
Dr. Mario Chill - Koji Kondo
The masterfully minimal theme to Dr. Mario only becomes embarrassing when you rock it at eleven. Then, you have a problem.
Peril Personified - Koh Ohtani
Man, ANOTHER video game theme. Koh Ohtani’s high-action theme to Shadow Of The Colossus is only a part of the overall score, which shows an incredible sensitivity throughout. Of course, when you’re hearing this track, you’re stabbing a 200-foot monster in the head.
Hung Up - Madonna
I don’t like Madonna songs. I barely like this one, but that terrifically catchy burbling keyboard gets me every time. Secret: I sing along to it at times. “Doo-doo-doot, doo-doo-doooooooo!”
Make Your Own Kind Of Music - Mama Cass Elliot
I only like this song because of its fantastic placement in the opening of Lost’s second season. Seriously, that’s the only reason, but it seems to be more than enough.
Bat Out Of Hell - Meat Loaf
I have this one DOWN for karaoke night. And by that, I mean that I practice.
FF7 Main Theme - Nobuo Uematsu
Uematsu’s score to Final Fantasy 7 was a perfect pairing: His best work for Squaresoft’s (and possibly Japan’s) best game. In their later years, Nobuo and the series became hollow and repetitive, but this moment was a tremendous leap for both. Of course, it’s the opening theme to a 40 hour game where you have to flirt with party members in order to win a fruitless date with one in the second act.
Dragostea Din Tei - O-zone
The infamous Numa Numa song is actually a lot of fun. I especially like the wimpier guy who goes “Allo…a-allo!”
Swedish Rhapsody - Percy Faith
The Freebird of polka-influenced flouncey orchestral stuff.
Flash Gordon Theme - Queen
I have it on good account that this song is actually totally awesome, but I still feel embarrassed whenever it comes on. “He’ll save every one of us!” indeed.
Pet Sound - Puppetmastaz
If you’ve known me long, you’ve received a copy of this song where a dozen puppets rap about the Sugar Islands or something. I don’t know, it’s just ADDICTIVE.
Holy Thunderforce - Rhapsody
The guiltiest of guilty pleasures, Rhapsody is an Italian metal band attempting to tell the long, long story of some guy who has a sword he wants to defeat some evil guy with. They’re really serious about it, and they even put maps of their fantasy land inside the liner notes.
That said, Holy Thunderforce’s guitar/keyboard solo is s w e e t.
Smells Like Teen Booty - Soulwax (probably)
What happens when you combine the two lowest common denominators? This mashup, by (I’m told) Soulwax. If there is a God, Destiny’s Child will one day perform this with the remaining members of Nirvana.
Tip-Toe Thru’ The Tulips With Me - Tiny Tim
Two things:
1) Stephin Merritt should totally cover this song.
2) I want this song to be in the background of an ad for a Metal Gear Solid game (a game about sneaking around and slitting throats).
Das Lied Der Schlümpfe - Vader Abraham
Where did I find this? I dunno. Who sings it? Beats me. What’s it mean? I think maybe it’s about the Smurfs, but don’t ask why I say this.
Downriver - Wilcannia Mob
Okay, I’m not that ashamed of this one. Wilcannia Mob is a couple of Aboriginal kids recorded by an area community worker. There’s something scary and sweet about it.
Dimension - Wolfmother
While Woman is somehow even dumber than this song (”Woman! Yeah you’re a woman! You’re a woman! Yeah you know what I mean!”), Dimension has a fuzzy bassline that kills braincells with each quarter-measure.
Numa Numa?
It’s actually called “Dragostea Din Tei.”
“Dragostea din Tei” is written in Romanian and the title is not easy to translate efficiently due to the ambiguous translation of Din and lack of context for the phrase. There are several proposed translations of the title, such as Love among the Lime trees and Love by the Linden trees.
Hello [on a cellphone], greetings, it’s me, an outlaw,
I ask you, my love, to accept happiness.
Hello, hello, it’s me, Picasso,
I sent you a beep [cellphone signal], and I’m brave [or strong],
But you should know that I’m not asking for anything from you.
Sad to say, but great playlist. I played this on the way to a backpacking trip this weekend, and it led to many acapella versions of “Tip toe through the Tulips.” Awesome.
Oh heavens. I had the English version of the German Smurf song on a record when I was a kid. That is the weirdest blast from the past I’ve had in a long time.
Thanks for this great playlist… I came for the Everybody’s Free, and stayed for the Final Countdown.