Otherwise, I have no real updates. I have been working like crazy this past week; as all my freelance clients have again converged as once. I hope I get a break tomorrow, which will be when I turn 25, so I can….do something….vaguely celebratory.
Oh, I’m also getting a new phone tonight, so expect some annoying cameraphone tests.
I think that’s all I have.
—–
Happy Birthday to me.
Last night’s poor decisions, in reverse chronological order:
9. Saying, “Sure, we can talk then.”
8. Saying I’d be free two weeks from now.
7. Saying that I’d like to hear more about the ceaseless battle over my soul waged by mysterious “spirit creatures.”
6. Accepting a pamphlet.
5. Saying that no, this wasn’t a bad time.
4. Talking to Jehovah’s Witnesses.
3. Opening the door.
2. Walking to the door.
1. Being a total wimp.
—–
“Imagine for a moment what would have happened if they had blown up 10 planes. There would be canceled flights, chaos at airports, bans on carry-on luggage, world leaders talking tough new security measures, political posturing and all sorts of false alarms as jittery people panicked. To a lesser degree, that’s basically what’s happening right now.” - Bruce Schneier
I hadn’t seen this summed up so succinctly. Terrorists achieve their goals even if the primary methods are foiled.
Browsing the AOL Search Database sounded like it was going to be fun, but ended up an eerie experience on par with the first viewing of PostSecret. This time, though, it’s not voluntary information: These aren’t the semi-hip, I-wanna-see-my-postcard-online net denizens who we’re used to seeing confessions from; these are the scared, the up-late, the addicts, the shut-ins. The Database is, of course, a massive mistake on AOL’s part, but for its browsers, a rare look at what people would never tell each other. In some cases, it even seems to show what people are unable to admit to themselves (the interspersing of items like “family life,” “pool for kids,” “church in my town,” and “jessica simpson with a horse” is amusing at first, but after a while, boggling in its regularity).
Mele and I, like a lot of people these past few days, have been searching it for the real goldmines: Stories. Despite the often speculative and incidental nature of searches (”How to drive a stick” looks an immediate request, but could actually have been a bored search while considering a car purchase), it’s so tempting to pare them into the items like the following half-truth, half-embellishment stories.
AOL’s release of this information is, I suppose, well-meaning. But their total lack of foresight is deplorable, and the information is nearly unusable anyway (as you’ll see in these snippets, AOL’s mysterious search/URL/keyword bar is viewed by users as a magic 8-ball, a help desk, a counselor, and a complaint department all in one).
WARNING: Some of the following search paths are offensive, and even more are quite depressing. If you don’t want to read this material, then just don’t. Additionally, I want to note that these are not intended as mockery, and aside from commentary, should be interpreted simply as artifacts I found in the database.
MOVIES AND DVDs.
Little Miss Sunshine
A fantastic little film that builds the tension perfectly throughout, and releases it in a throat-clutching burst of humorous joy at the end. See!
Audition
The more movies you’ve seen, the more you’ll like it. If you’ve been incredibly (incredibly) desensitized to violence, if you’ve seen a lot of horror movies, if you’ve seen a lot of sincere, shy, cold romances, you’ll like it. But I’ve seen a lot of movies, and to me, Audition was sickening, painful, and nearly impossible to watch. I had to put several parts on fast forward just to keep upright and not-vomity.
The Sopranos
I’m kind of embarrassed by it, but I love the Sopranos. Love. One of the only uses of media I’ve seen that allows you to draw your own complicated views of its characters, and then watch those characters change throughout the years. This show never gets bad, and it’s just as sharp during the mob-related bits as it is when characters are discussing the possibilities of a nursing home for someone’s mother.
Everything Is Illuminated
Cute, tidy, but felt compacted. While I haven’t read Foer’s book, I’ve read his other one, and I feel like so much prose is missing from this film. The major emotional points seem to come from nowhere, and the most interesting parts are treated as incidental introductions.
Talladega Nights
Half Anchorman (which, if you didn’t know, I love), half NASCAR movie. Talladega is great while splashing in its absurd-comedic scenes, and reasonably exciting during the races, but there are too many semi-serious plot-advancement moments for my taste. Every scene with Cohen is amazing; it’s nice to see him in something better than the Ali G movie and Madagascar.
Ali G
Season One of Ali G gets 90% of the best material out of the way. Ali’s best interviews (a horrified James Lipton and disoriented Ralph Nader) and Borat’s best moments (”Did you know these photos were in here?”) and outtakes (”Is like, when a horse, run”) are here. Season Two is a noteable decline in these areas, but shows Bruno coming into his own as both a critic of fashion and enemy of the homophobic.
The Devil’s Backbone
This movie is entirely uninteresting. Stay away.
Special Note About The Grudge 2 Preview
Before many movies you may see in the next few month, there will be a preview for the sequel to the Grudge. It is not only poorly-made, but the kind of poorly-made that necessitates speculation: Did some high-up executive issue maddeningly-strange instructions while drunk? Did several editors attempt a preview at once, only to see all efforts mashed into one effort at the end? Did a massive disc error cause 95% of the movie to be deleted, leaving only these clips for preview material? In summary, the preview:
1) Uses the “cut away to a scary face” scare, which is incredibly cheap in that shock is ALWAYS scary, but never lasting. Thanks for making me drop my Sour Patch Kids, jerks.
2) Flashes for the middle third of the preview. When the Texas Chainsaw Massacre preview used the flash-on flash-off technique to show its best half-seconds, it was a great, scary-as-hell technique. But somehow, in the past two years, this limited technique has become incredibly dull.
3) Shows the death of every main character. I’m not kidding. After the point where you think “Hey, shouldn’t the movie’s title be showing by now?”, five major deaths are shown onscreen, in sequence.
Seriously, watch it and theorize. What the hell could have happened on the road to producing this preview?
—–
MUSIC
Optimo: How To Kill The DJ
This double-disc is totally awesome. The range, quality, and obscurity of the music is fantastic; Optimo has launched several of these songs (”Shack Up,” “Everybody’s Gotta Live,” “Barf) to the iconic status they deserve simple through their inclusion.
Mysteries, by Beth Gibbons and Rusin Man
Jenn declared this the Most Beautiful Song of the moment. And I tried to fight it, but I cannot: Mysteries is heart-stoppingly great.
The Signifying Wolf, by Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billie.
The songwriting’s a step down for Will, but the merry-go-round production on this song is a new leap for him and music in general. Death-folk in a dozen tracks? Who would’ve thought?
Cadence Weapon
“I got you pegged like Lite Bright!” Canadian Cadence Weapon is one of rap’s sharpest producers and lyricists. Check out his blog.
CSS
The Brazilian band has Mele and I swooning.
Gang Of Four
Okay, fine! Gang Of Four is amazing!
Girl Talk
Girl Talk is like the opposite of the Avalanches. Instead of songs you don’t know, masterfully blended into a new form of music, Girl Talk gives you the best bits of the modern rap and 90s indie that you (hopefully) know so well, playing your memories and attachments like the strings on a cheap harp (note to self: find out if cheap harps exist).
The Horrors
I mentioned these guys before, but I’m just sayin’: I bet the Horrors release a pretty good album soon.
Jens Lekman
Oh You’re So Silent Jens is the stuff most of you love: Magnetic Fields+sincerity, Jens rocks the warm summer feeling in your heart like there’s no tomorrow. His lyrics are silly and forced, but the FEELING’S there, from “on every homeless kitty” to A Sweet Summer’s Night’s bar-room “a bump-a-bump-a-Bump-a-Bump-A-BUMP!”
Ze’s post today is perfect.
It’s pretty great that we live in a world someone can have a consistently-watched show that varies the content so widely from episode to episode. One day it’s absurdist, one day it’s interactive, one day it chews out its viewers, and one day it’s up there with the best news commentary. Ze has founded a presence in three minutes a day that is for me, more memorable and impactful than the full hour of Emmy-winning comedy I watch most nights.
I keep thinking, at some point, he has to slip up.
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